I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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