I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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