who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
