ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
