well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
COCAINE IS GR8
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
