can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
