he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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