come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
