I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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