Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
