this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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