Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
