How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
