Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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