Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
