sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
