Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
