Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
