I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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