if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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