i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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