I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
