I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize