His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
