Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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