If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
