yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
