part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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