Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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