is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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