I'm drive I can fine osifer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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