Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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