He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
