Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
