I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
