So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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