I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
