I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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