Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
