Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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