So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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