12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
