I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
