Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize