I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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