drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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