Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
