.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we should paint friendship bongs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
