My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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