I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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