I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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