some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
