so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
