I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
