You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
