He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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