My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
