Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
