It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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