it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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