He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
