guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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