Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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