brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
