I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
where are my eyebrows?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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