I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
