you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
