can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
