My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
