I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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