Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
