he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Farmville is her only friend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
