i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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