Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
