So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
