will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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