Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
