took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
third nipple confirmed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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