I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
