I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
