btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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