I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
