i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
