Someone shit on the floor
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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