all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
