good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
