OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
