sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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